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Home-made Seitan

Part 1
6 c Water
1/2 c Soy sauce
1 Onion, sliced
2 Cloves garlic, minced
2 Bay leaves
Pepper to taste


Part 2

2 tb Nutritional (good-tasting) yeast flakes
2 tb Wheat flour
1/2 ts Onion powder
1/4 ts Garlic powder


First, in your dutch oven or soup pot, put and bring to a boil part 1.


Then, and THIS IS IMPORTANT, measure your little bag of gluten flour (1 to 1-1/2 c.), then put it in a mixing bowl (wider is better than deep). To the flour add and mix very well Part 2.


Measure out the same amount of tasty stock and add it to the gluten flour, mixing very quickly. It will turn into a rubbery sponge faster than you would believe. Then oil up your hands and knead it for five minutes (HA! and CURSES! you will think, but play along anyway. Daydream about handsome Greek divers diving for sponges of the coast of sunny Greece. Get wicked!).


Tear the sponge into three balls (imagining what you will), and put them in the now rolly-boiling stock. Cover the pot and turn the heat to simmer. Set your timer to 55 minutes, and pour yourself a glass of wine before cleaning up the mess. Take a bubble bath.


When cool, put the now monster balls into appropriate plastic containers, and cover them with the stock that's left. Freeze two (unless you will be cooking for a crowd).


Slice for phoney Swiss steak, and simmer the slices in the tomato sauce for a while. Grate it for spaghetti sauce. Tear it into oyster-like shreds for stir fry, or simmer in vegetarian gravy for hot open-face sandwiches. Not bad braised in barbeque sauce and served over rice, either. Best of all, glue shreds to your kid's face and send them out to the garage to surprise their dad with a coffee.

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